Adolf Hitler's Birthday Ruined

Poor little three-year-old Adolf Hitler Campbell: not only did Shoprite refuse to put his name on his birthday cake, but, more importantly, he has to deal with having that name all his life. His parents, the more normally named Heath and Deborah Campbell, got the cake made at a Wal-Mart instead. Heath says it's just a name and people have to get over it.

But if you think the Campbell parents are making a statement about how we need to move on, think again. Poor Adolf has a sister named 'JoyceLynn Aryan Nation Campbell', who is nearly two, and a one-year-old brother named 'Honszlynn Hinler Jeannie Campbell'.

Honestly, you have to wonder why we put people through 8 years of school to become a doctor. Even to drive a car, you have to practice, then pass a practical and a written test. But to be a parent (perhaps the job with the highest responsibility of all) you only need to know how to do the horizontal bop.

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Imminent Dam Disaster (Onion Style)

Preemptive Memorial Honors Future Victims Of Imminent Dam Disaster
Here's another great example of how The Onion can take a fairly mundane parody idea and make it a gem, by carefully constructing and skewing the cliched language used in these situations (in this case, by changing it to future tense).

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You're the Abstract Artist

Explore your abstract artistic talents with this free online tool at bomono.com. Use a variety of painting tools to quickly create an abstract painting, then it's up to you to assign a deep spiritual or contextual meaning to the shapes and lines.

Click here to go to bomono.com

Elf Yourself

Send your own ElfYourself eCards

At the Elf Yourself website, you can make an elf music video with you and your friends as the stars! And it's all free! Just upload anywhere from one to five images, do some fairly simple rotating, resizing, and cropping, and you're ready to go! Then email or embed it for free (free registration is required). Downloading the video will cost a little bit of money.

Bye Bye Bratz?

In a stunning, far-reaching decision, U.S. District Judge Stephen Larson has ruled that the entire Bratz doll line has to be removed from shelves and never sold again. Mattel (makers of Barbie) have been claiming for years that MGA (the makers of Bratz) are illegal because Bratz designer Carter Bryant developed the concept for the dolls while working for Mattel. In the last seven years, MGA has developed over 40 different doll designs, including the decidedly creepy Baby Bratz (pictured left). Exactly why are these babies wearing eye makeup?

If you think the dolls look like prostitutes and that their animated counterparts present an anti-image to young girls that they should grow up to be over-made up, fashion-obsessed airheads, calm down. What will happen here is that if MGA's appeals fail, Mattel will probably begin manufacturing the Bratz line instead. It's still up to individual moms and dads to keep these things away from their kids. They're fine for adult fetishists to collect, however.

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